Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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