A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize