just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
