I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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