Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
