We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
