I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
