One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Randomize
