The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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