Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
