I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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