I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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