He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize