can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I would ride that face into the sunset
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
