I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
