Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize