trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize