I feel like I'm in dance class right now
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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