Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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