i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
