I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
