if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Vodka?
Forever.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
