It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
