I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
