Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
