were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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