I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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