She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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