I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
