So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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