I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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