Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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