lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
