Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
