pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize