so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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