For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
