It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
