We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
