Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
