He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
