Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
