Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
