The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
