so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
