Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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