you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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