the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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