I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
