1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
this hospital has no fireball
Sorry about my life...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
