No, drunk sperm still make babies.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
