69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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