She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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