Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
tell me about the fingering
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