My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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