No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Please don't give away my fajitas
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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