I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
