You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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