Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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