Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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