Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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