Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize