He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
