Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
