Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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