I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
