I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
