I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
