Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
