On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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