I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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