these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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