I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
