yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
