you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i came on her dog
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
