Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize