Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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