I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
