Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
