Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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