oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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