I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
