the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
