boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Floor bacon is actually really good
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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