I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize