Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
