there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
