I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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