He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize