What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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