those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
