and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize