I'm drive I can fine osifer
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
