Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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