I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize