is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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