Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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