I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
