Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
