I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
