put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
