I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
