: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize