New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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