i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Randomize
