yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
