i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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