I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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