My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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