i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
