they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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