Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize