Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
